Dearest Zlata

Dear Zlata,

It's been almost a week that I'm walking around as if in a dense fog - like I'm having a horrible, frightening nightmare that won't go away. I can't stop thinking about you. How can this be? Zlata is not with us anymore?

The last time I saw you we spoke about me. Obviously. With you it's always about the other person - joys and sorrows, milestones and challenges. You were suffering, but we spoke about me. You were so happy to hear that I was getting married and you asked to see pictures of my engagement celebration. "Put them on the 1456 blog," you told me. "You're part of our family!"

Crazy thing is that I really feel like a part of your family. You made it so easy. You and your joyful children and siblings. I never felt like I was an outsider. Ever. When we danced at Aidie's wedding, it was as if my close cousin was getting married. 

It was always like that. You treated me like I was a special relative. 

And so happy! Once I got a ride in your car and it was a little squishy, but we had the greatest time singing loudly with the music blaring from the stereo, with you cracking jokes at the wheel and making the ride seem so much quicker. It was such a happy ride.

How can this happen? It's not like you to leave your beautiful, happy family. Whenever I see you, you're accompanied by at least one of your fantastic kids. It's not your style to not be here for Simchas and celebrations. You're the one who pops into the car to make the 10-hour round trip to be at a family celebration for an hour. And you don't even make it seem like the big schlep that it is. 

I see your picture and I keep thinking - it can't be. Zlata wouldn't leave us. It hurts so much. But you know how to shake things up. So tell Him how dark it is. Tell Him how badly your children are suffering. He's the only one who can fix this.

Zlata - I don't want answers. I just want you back. Fast! And when you come, I'll make sure to take lots of pictures and post them on the blog.

Waiting anxiously,

EstieO